Dog says ‘I’m back, racism!’ or something to that effect
Dog says ‘I’m back, racism!’ or something to that effect 
Dog the Bounty Hunter is returning for its fifth season proving that America loves retarded Bible-totin’ racists - in leather. (Back me up, West Virginia.) A&E held a “carefully choreographed” press conference yesterday to announce its decision to return Dog to the air. The AP reports:
“It’s not about ratings,” A&E spokesman Michael Feeney said. “We know his heart. We know him and know he’s not a racist.” Scott Lonker, vice president nonfiction and alternative programming at A&E, said viewer demand for the show also weighed in the decision. Niger Innis, national chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality, said Chapman’s use of the racial slur was wrong. But he noted that Chapman “took ownership of the harm it caused” and “sought to turn his life around.” Alphonso Braggs, Hawaii chapter president of the NAACP, disagreed, saying Chapman got off lightly for behavior that is “absolutely unacceptable.” “If individuals see they are able to behave inappropriately with little or no consequence, they will continue that pattern,” he said.
While A&E played it close to the vest with its press conference, somebody should’ve made sure Dog didn’t send out press kits of his own. Like the one I happen to have in my shaky, caffeine-fueled hands: Dear Viewers, Dog here. Thanks for your prayers and support. I’m glad to be back making the streets of some random town in Hawaii safe for my wife and her tank breasts. For those of you worried about my unfortunate remarks and how they’ll affect my anti-climatic bounty hunting, fear not. I’ll be equally pursuing all criminals whether they be inbred white-trash, spooks, slant-eyes, heebs, wetbacks, and, the always elusive, Guinea wop dagos. Did I forget anybody? Awesome. Jesus loves you, everybody! Unless you’re gay. -DOG
Madonna’s got this whole ‘Mom’ thing figured out 
Madonna weighed in on Britney Spears’ lack of a normal childhood and blamed it as the cause of her insanity. Fortunately, Madonna’s kids have absolutely no interest in fame, according toPeople:
In fact, they clamor for a “normal mom.” Asked if they give her a hard time for working so much, Madonna say, “Yeah! ‘When are you coming home?’ ‘Why are you always working?’ ‘Why can’t you just be like a normal mom?’ I just remind them about all the things that they have, and that if I didn’t do what I did they wouldn’t have those things.”
So what are the perks? “They get to travel a lot, they get to do a lot of interesting things and meet a lot of interesting people. Usually that shuts them up.”
Way to be, Madonna! You truly kick ass at being a mom. Because nothing produces well-rounded children like teaching them material objects are the key to happiness and are a suitable replacement for a mother who’s got more important things to do then spend time with you. It’s practically a wholesome family episode of Leave it to Beaver. Except this one ends with Lourdes snorting coke off of Joe Francis’ coffee table. NOTE: Glad to see Madonna covering up “The Guns of Navarone” while in public. THANK YOU!
Tags: celebs naked, celebrity gossip, celebrity news, celeb nudity free, celebrity scandal