Mario Lopez continues his never-ending war on sleeves
Mario Lopez continues his never-ending war on sleeves 
A.C. Slater, What is it with you and sleeves? Why do they vex you so? I’ve put great a deal of effort into this question (five minutes) and narrowed it down to a list of likely scenarios that fuel your unbridled hatred for armwear. If these hit close to home, my apologies: 1. Dustin Diamond. ‘Nuff said. 2. A sleeve touched your special place when a grown-up wasn’t around. 3. One time a beautiful woman person asked to see your guns, but they were buried under a sleeve causing you to scream into the night, “NO, DAMN YOU! NEVER AGAIN, SLEEVES!” 4. A sleeve murdered your father over an unpaid debt. 5. They’re itchy. I understand you’re currently in South Beach, but a timely response would be appreciated before I tell people a sleeve broke your heart and slept with your brother. Sincerely, The Superficial Writer P.S. How much are we talking for you to show up to my work and call people “Preppy?” Five, ten bucks? Shoot me a figure which I’ll continually reject until you settle for a McMuffin.
Britney Spears to light tree at Rockefeller Center 
Live in New York City? Now would be a good time to leave. Britney Spears is scheduled to light the tree at Rockefeller Center therefore ushering in Armageddon and ruining Christmas for every girl and every boy, according to OK! Magazine:
Sources close to the pop superstar confirm to OK! that on Dec. 3, the day after she turns 27 and her new album, Circus, hits record stores, Britney will be in the Big Apple for the 76th annual tree-lighting extravaganza. What’s still unclear is whether or not she’ll be performing at the ceremony, or just hanging out with host Al Roker for the NBC broadcast of the event.
BABY JESUS: Britney Spears? Are you shitting me?! She’ll eat the tree! Dad. GOD: Son, the game’s on. BABY JESUS: But, dad, she’ll ruin my birthday. GOD: Jesus, Jesus, you’re killin’ me. BABY JESUS: Fine. But I’m giving Stephen Baldwin those laser eyes he keeps asking for. GOD: Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. TOUCHDOWN! UPDATE: Stephen Baldwin blew up Hollywood, Keith Olbermann and beloved Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling today…
Emo Baby Does Not Want To Come Out
Yes, this is an old ass picture of Ashlee and Jessica B.S. (Before Surgeries). So…Asshole Simpson has been pregnant…oh…for about 2 or 3 years now, at least. There were rumors over the weekend that Emo Baby was about to make his grand entrance, but apparently that didn’t happen. The big-tittied frog went on The Ellen Degeneres Show and blabbed that her sister can’t wait to pop.
Jessica told Ellen that Asshole may induce labor, “They’re going to have to. It’s already developing really quick.” She went on to say that Asshole is trying everything to get Emo Baby to come out, “Different foot massages and stuff. I don’t know. I think she’s really just jumping around trying everything right now.“
This is the thing, that baby is stalling for time. It does not want to come the fuck out and can you blame it? It’s sitting in there, arms crossed, pout on its face, thinking “Nope. Not today. Not ever.” Asshole better come to terms with the fact that she’s going to be pregnant for the rest of her life. She’s going to be a 54-year-old woman, knocked up with an overgrown 30-year-old. Emo Baby’s leg is going to be hanging out of her snatch and its hand will be coming out of her ass, but it will still refuse to come out.
You know how they can trick Emo Baby into popping out? Ass and Pete need to tell it that they will put it up for adoption as soon as it comes out. That baby would jump out with the adoption papers ready to sign before Ass could say “acid reflux.”
Source: People
Political humor rules the year
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